How can I save the world if I don't want to save myself?
I am able to identify what the world needs in order to become a better place for humans and all other life. It's a simple series of steps where we look to the successes of others in the world and deploy those methods everywhere. Simple.
I can help people to alleviate all their fear and the terrors they suffer. It is a simple matter of identifying that they are motivated from a sense of loss, recovering what was lost, then moving forward with gains and building a fantastic new empire of life and love.
I can see it. I could guide them.
I just don't fucking want to.
Because I am selfish.
There was this girl I liked. I touched her and she enjoyed it. She wanted more and I wanted to give it to her. I found my happiness through bringing her pleasure. Her body was my gateway to all the force of Creation.
For the world that had that girl in it, I would have rearranged the stars.
But I don't have that girl anymore.
Without her, I have no motivation to do anything at all.
I have tried to find her again in other women. None will do. None will do. I try. None will do.
Why would I try to delay my departure from this world? Why would I want to make things better for anyone else when I can't even make the world bearable for myself?